The beginning.

I've sat here for over 10 minutes trying to type out the words that are going through my head. I don't know where to begin, so this post might seem jumbled and chaotic and I apologize for that. But it's important for me to write down the steps of this remarkable journey I'm about to embark on.

I've decided to become a surrogate.

What you're looking at here is a negative pregnancy test that was required of me before going forward 

It started as a New Year's resolution of sorts. How can I make an impact on this world? How can I make more money and pay off my student loans? How can I give back to someone in need? My sister mentioned that I should become a surrogate. I laughed it off. But I was intrigued.

Fast forward to April 2019. It's my birthday month. I'm now debating making a big move for year 31. I'm either donating a kidney to help my aunt who is suffering from kidney failure orrrr I'm becoming a surrogate. I contacted the kidney transplant center and went through the steps. I wasn't a match. I chalked it up to it not being meant to be. So on to plan B. 

I contacted a random surrogate agency I found on the interwebs (hey, they had good reviews!) but what held me up was the fact that they needed me to get all my medical history from my previous OBGYN in person. Come on, it's 2019. That just seemed like too much work. Over it. 

Fast forward to the end of June. I was getting the itch again...to make a big move. To DO SOMETHING with this one precious life I've been handed. Lo and behold my nexplanon birth control implant has expired and it's time to get it out. I ask Matt what he thinks about having a baby and his response was, "hell NO...not anytime soon" and to be honest, I wasn't ready either. However, I miss being pregnant. I truly enjoyed growing a human inside me (despite the morning sickness) and felt my most beautiful self when with child. So, I start researching surrogacy agencies again but this time I wanted somewhere local and I wanted one that is experienced. Fortunately I found one in Boston that's been around for over 20 years - perfect. (come to find out it does not matter the location of the agency as you will never have to step foot in their office)

The requirements to becoming a surrogate are as follows:

1. Must have delivered a child of their own

2. Must have completed successful pregnancy and birth without complications

3. Must be between 21-41 years

4. Must have a BMI of no higher than 33 (I'm cutting it close and had to send a photo of the number on the scale #awk)

5. Must be a citizen of the U.S. and not participate in government aid programs

6. Must live in a surrogate-friendly state (Yay NH!)

7. Must have support of her family (they required Matt's approval)

8. Must be financially secure and lead a stable, responsible lifestyle

9. Must not use illegal drugs, smoke cigarettes, or abuse alcohol

CHECK, CHECK. I meet all those! Phew. So I submitted their long ass application. And within hours I was being emailed an orientation video to go over the surrogacy process and from there was taken to their online portal to complete more paperwork (all electronically which I liked) and add in some photos of myself, child and partner to start my "profile" in which intended parents (IPs) would get the chance to look through during the matching process. It actually is a lot like online dating which apparently I'm pretty good at! Been there, done that. 

July 15th I am scheduled to chat via skype with my assigned social worker for 2-3 hours. I didn't love her at first. She came off a bit snooty but so can I so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I did not sugarcoat any of my responses to her hundreds of questions and made sure she was aware that the monetary compensation was important to me. I had read some articles stating that you should refrain from saying you are motivated by the pay or else it may eliminate your chances of moving forward. I knew that the right agency would appreciate my honesty and that was the case with this one. Of course, the money is a nice benefit but it is certainly not the only reason I am willing to have a strangers' baby. Come to find out however, because I will be traveling to Puerto Rico in November, I will need to wait until 8 weeks after my return before starting the embryo transfer process due to possible exposure of zika virus.

Despite that little hiccup, I passed the first step. And now they want to chat with Matt. Damn it. Matt thinks this whole thing is weird. He doesn't understand why I'm doing it and frankly is scared of the ramifications both physically and mentally that it could take on my body. He is concerned with my bad back and the pregnancy making it worse. He doesn't like the thought of some entity owning what they can or can't do to my body. He is terrified of the estrogen causing my hormones to be all out of whack and having to deal with my emotions. At one point he even questioned, what if you die? So yeah, Matt needed a little coaxing to agree to this call but he did it. And I love him for that.

With both our initial screening calls out of the way it was time for me to take an hour psychological exam. I did it over skype with the the social worker asking for me to show up my drivers license to confirm it was in fact me taking the test. There were a few questions that tripped me up such as, "have you ever had to cut back on your drinking?" I mean yeah, but haven't we all at some point? But does that make me look like an alcoholic?  "Sometimes your thoughts are scattered." Well, I'm no schizophrenic but I can be anxious from time to time.

Despite me second guessing my responses, I passed the psychological screening although the social worker did come back asking for clarification on a few of my answers. I was grateful they were so thorough actually as it calmed my nerves regarding the legitimacy of the agency. They also had to do a criminal and financial background check. Now it's time to talk legal.

The commitment letter they sent over scared the hell out of me not gonna lie. There was a section asking both Matt and me to commit to doing a medical screening (to make sure he doesn't have STDs). Again, he's supporting me in the sense that it's "my body, my choice" so to speak but he is definitely not comfortable with the entire process and I must respect that. Fortunately they compensate him for his missed day of work when he does have to go to the clinic with me that day. The contract has some strict rules laid out such as requiring us to use condoms during the surrogacy journey and through pregnancy, committing to three transfer attempts in case the first two aren't successful, and agreeing to carry twins should the embryo split. And then there were the costs. They accounted for every little cost that I would never have even thought of. From housekeeping, to maternity clothes, to lost wages from bed rest, life insurance policy, pregnancy termination fee and c-section fee. I upped a few of their base fees because losing a reproductive organ is worth a hell of a lot more to me than what they were offering and I just couldn't justify carrying twins and having to go through a c-section for nominal fee. 

Needless to say, we went back and forth on the commitment letter and the fees associated for a few days until we all came to an agreement. I now officially passed all steps in the pre-screening! This qualified me for a $1000 "expedited screening bonus" given that I completed all paperwork, medical pre-approval and social worker calls within 3 weeks of my application which I was stoked about.

I am now ready to be matched with the IPs and I am feeling all kinds of emotions about it right now.